A Playbook in the time of Covid-19
學習交出人生的控制權 – 建立內心防禦力,提升與自己、與人的關係

疫情的來襲不僅僅是挑戰身體的免疫程度,更考驗了人類心靈的穩定程度。面對疫情後,將會越來越多變的世界,妳有為自己預備好「內心防禦力」了嗎?本周我們邀請 Aimm 創辦人 Tilane 以及 CAREhER Wellness 總監 Vicky,以她們長期在感情顧問、關係與身心靈專家的角度,與大家分享如何調適疫情後心理與關係的變化,學會「交出人生控制權」,用更穩定的心,面對生命的轉化。
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疫情中與疫情後,「關係」大練習

Aimm 姻緣工程創辦人 Tiliane Wang

About Relationship

Founder of Aimm – Tilane Wang

Covid-19 迅速蔓延的疫情對任何人來說,都是始料未及的情況。根據眾多公共衛生學家的預測,在未來的數年內在醫療、旅遊等各方面都很難回到 2018-2019 的情況。因此不可避免的,我們每一個人都將要迎接一個後 Covid-19 的全新生活型態。

The Covid-19 pandemic is an unexpected situation for everyone. According to the prognosis of many public health officials, it will be difficult to return to the pre COVID situation of 2018-2019 for the medical, tourism and other sectors for the next few years. Therefore, it is inevitable that all of us will have to adapt to a new lifestyle during and after the pandemic. 

『當生命給你又酸又苦的檸檬,你可以把它變成又甜又好喝的檸檬汁。』如果「後 Covid-19」 的生活是不能避免的挑戰,現在疫情尚未穩定、國際商業活動稍微緩和時,正是開始適應並把自己調整成後 Covid-19 的最佳時刻。

When God gives you a lemon, make lemonade! “When life gives you a sour and bitter lemon, you can turn it into a sweet and delicious lemon juice. If life after Covid-19 is an unavoidable challenge, it is now when the pandemic is not yet stable and international business activities have slowed down, that is precisely the best moment to start adapting and adjusting yourself to post-Covid-19.

在疫情蔓延的這段時間裡,其實每個人都在承受相當大的精神壓力。一方面擔心自己與家人可能暴露在病毒感染環境下的健康威脅,另一方面又要擔心大環境因為防疫而停止各種商業活動造成的不景氣。

當媒體上開始出現『大規模減薪』、『無薪假』的標題陸續在新聞台上出現,即使暫時不是發生在自己的公司或產業裡,也會擔心如果景氣沒有回溫,這樣的減薪及停止招募轉職活動的狀況會像骨牌連鎖反應,遲早發生在自己身上。

During the period when the virus is still spreading, everyone is under considerable mental pressure. On the one hand, we have to worry about the risks to health that they and their family members may be exposed to. On the other hand, they have to worry about the recession caused by the slow down or cessation of economic activities due to the pandemic.

When one sees the headlines of “large-scale cost cutting” and “unpaid leave” on the news feeds, even if it did not happen in your own company or industry, you would still be concerned and feel worried that without an economic recovery in sight, that cost cutting and retrenchments would be like a domino, and that it could happen to yourself sooner or later.

也許我們都太習慣做個成熟的大人了,不抱怨也不輕易揭露自己的弱點。於是大家都將自己的擔心及害怕埋在心底。這樣的心理壓力經過日積月累,最後不只影響個人的健康狀況,同時也會影響到自己與周遭他人的關係。

如果近期你心中最大的擔心是與疫情相關,我給你的最好建議是『說出你的煩惱』。

Maybe we are all too used to trying to behave like mature adults, and do not complain or like exposing our weaknesses. So we tend to bury our worries and fears, and not make time to talk about it. Over time, such psychological pressure will not only affect the individual’s health, but could also affect his or her relationship with others.

If the biggest worry in your mind recently is related to the pandemic, the best advice I give you is to “talk about your troubles.”

相較於過往的個人感情問題、工作狀況甚至是令人難以啟齒的身體情況,疫情引發的焦慮其實不是你個人獨有的狀況。疫情升溫的新聞鋪天蓋地的從各種媒體湧上,朋友們間也時不時聽到被減薪或放無薪假的消息。群眾的情緒其實一直隨著疫情的發展忽高忽低,連幾天的零確認發布後臉書及 IG 充滿慶祝的訊息都說明了『這次不是只有你一人在面對』。

Compared to past personal emotional problems, work conditions, and even difficult physical conditions, the anxiety caused by the pandemic is not just unique to you. The news is inundated with updates about the pandemic, and you have heard from friends of them experiencing pay cuts or unpaid leave. In fact, everyone’s sentiments have been fluctuating because of the pandemic. After a few days of zero new cases, Facebook and IG ’s celebratory message was that “this time you are not alone.”

在遇到困難時,知道自己不是獨立作戰可以建立一定程度的安全感。有了正向的情緒,才能避免大腦杏仁核作過度激烈的反應。有了這樣的安全感後,我會建議你進一步跟周遭信賴的朋友們分享自己的顧慮。

一來是讓自己的情緒有個宣洩的出口,二來你有機會從不同的角度去看目前的困境。可能聊完才發現自己的情況其實沒有想像中的來得糟糕; 也可能聊完之後反而發現,除了現在的生活外,彼此可以擦出更多的想法及火花,來準備迎接未來「後Covid-19」 的生活方式。

When encountering difficulties, knowing that you are not alone can provide a certain degree of security. Having positive emotions can help us avoid avoiding excessive and intense reactions in the brain. With a sense of security, I would recommend that you further share your concerns with friends whom you trust.

Firstly, you release your negative thoughts and emotions, and secondly, you will also have the opportunity to look at the current situation from a different perspective. You may find that things are actually not as bad as you thought after talking it through; you may also stumble upon new ideas through the conversation. 

除了個人需要想辦法抒發情緒,找到可信賴的朋友圈之外。疫情期間,情侶之間相處也是一種挑戰

During the pandemic, getting along as a couple could also be a challenge.

同居的戀人可能因為社交活動大幅減少,而增加兩人相處的時間; 沒有同住的戀人則可能因為出遊的困難,而大幅減少兩人實體見面的機會。頻率的高低其實從來不是問題,問題是出現在頻率的改變。通常這時的人們總是會抱怨自己的生活受到打擾、強迫改變。

但我總是告訴情侶們,如果這樣的改變讓你們感到困擾。也許現在正是你們開始正視兩人共同生活的開始。一旦兩人開啟了共同生活模式,這種突如其來的外力或意見,其實常常在發生。從準備婚禮會有不知道哪裡來的親友意見需要改變,到生小孩後小孩隨時發生的意外狀況。只能說多一個人就有多一個意外的因子,突發狀況變成平日的固定行程

Couples living together are finding that they are spending more time together due to a decrease in social activities; couples who do not live together may not be seeing each other as often. It isn’t the frequency that is the problem here – it is that the frequency is changing. Adapting to the change is the problem. One might complain about their lives being disrupted and being forced to change.

But I always tell couples if adjusting to such a change affects you, then perhaps now is the time to reflect on your relationship. Once a couple have developed a routine & stable lifestyle, there can still be a sudden change of situation. From wedding preparations, to having to address the opinions of relatives and friends, or an unplanned pregnancy – change and unexpected situations are just part and parcel of your routine in life. 

當兩人之間真的遇到了像疫情這般影響幅度巨大的事件時,我建議大家可以趁機觀察另外一半在遇到壓力來臨時的態度及處理方式。從他對情緒的處理到人事的溝通都可以反射出他在未來處理各項事物的原則及手法。不過切記,如果在過程中遇到任何讓你不了解的情況時,請勇於表達自己的疑問

因爲大家的人生經驗不同,第一時間你可能不了解他的做事邏輯,就如同將來你也可能一時不了解他的決策模式。與其在心裡反覆推敲他思考的邏輯,倒不如藉由直接詢問,開始建立起屬於你們兩個的溝通模式。

When a couple is facing such a huge unexpected event like this pandemic, I suggest that you take the opportunity to observe your other half’s attitude and treatment towards you in this time when there is pressure and uncertainty. From the handling of one’s emotions to the tone of communication, you can reflect on your partner’s values and ability to handle various scenarios that might happen in the future. If you encounter a situation that you do not understand during the process, express how you feel and talk about it.

Because everyone’s life experience is different, you may not understand your partner’s logic of doing things, just as you may not understand his decision-making approaches. Rather than trying to figure out why and what his thought processes are, it is better to start establishing a way of communicating by being direct and talking about it.

就像前面有提到的 Covid-19 是一個群眾一起面對嚴峻情況。在這種情況之下,其實你們兩個之間就有了一個共同的敵人- 病毒以及連帶產生的不景氣。通常在兩人有共同目標或共同敵人的時候,就是雙方感情最好的時候,所以現在正是與對方建立共患難夥伴情感的最佳時機。

As mentioned earlier, you are not alone in this pandemic. In fact, as a couple you now have a common enemy – the virus and the recession that will be associated with it. When two people have a common goal or a common enemy, you can build on this in a positive way and strengthen your relationship with each other. 

無論現在的你是否已經準備好面對「後 Covid-19時代」,現在的我們都正在往這個路上前進。如果你剛好遇到公司正放慢了腳步,也許正是一個你可以好好照顧你自己、正是你周圍關係的最好時刻。

Regardless of whether you are ready to face the post-Covid-19 era, everyone is on this path together. If you happen to be in a role or organisation that has been negatively affected by the pandemic, now may be the best time for you to take time out, take good care of yourself and the relationship with people around you.

 

疫情中 疫情後
對自己
  • 說出你的煩惱
  • 就算一時找不到解決方法,找到同伴都會加速找到解決方法的時間
  • 找到自己抒發情緒的方法
  • 訓練自己的彈性
對情人
  • 不要推測對方的情緒,試著直接詢問並接受他的回答
  • 建立起兩人一起對抗困難的默契
During the Pandemic After the Pandemic
To myself
  • Speak up about what is bothering you
  • Even if you can’t find a solution for now, talking about it to someone will be helpful
  • Find a way to express your emotions
  • Train your flexibility & adaptability
To my partner
  • Don’t speculate on the other party’s emotions, try to ask directly and be accepting
  • Establish a tacit understanding that both of you are in the fight together.

內心防禦力

CAREhER Wellness 總監 – Vicky

Inner defense

CAREhER Wellness Director – Vicky

新冠狀病毒的來襲,讓民眾人心惶惶。當我們學會勤洗手、戴口罩、保持良好衛生習慣、增強身體健康與免疫力外,我們是否忽略到「內心防禦力」呢? 心理學中有個名詞是「負向認知偏誤 (negativity bias)」,意思是人們習慣對負面資訊的記憶深刻,例如:確診與死亡案例數字的增加、病毒變異快速、醫療資源不足等。

雖然這些都是正確的訊息,但「負向認知偏誤 」也容易讓人忽略,甚至懷疑正向的訊息,例如:治療痊癒人數、疫情趨緩、政府控制妥當等。日積月累的焦慮感,容易使我們的正常判斷力下降,並且造成社會氛圍的動盪不安。

The pandemic has made everyone more paranoid about hygiene of oneself, of others and of public spaces. When washing hands frequently, wearing masks, making an effort to enhance physical health and boost immunity become entrenched habits – are we ignoring our ‘inner defense’? There is a term in psychology known as ‘negativity bias’ – meaning that people disproportionately remember negative information, e.g. number of diagnoses and deaths of COVID-19 cases, the rapid mutation of viruses, insufficient medical resources.

Although all these are factually true, the ‘negative cognitive bias’ that is at play might not be something we are aware of as we adapt to this new normal. We might still be wary, even as there is positive news of the number of patients cured, that the pandemic is slowing down, and that governments have taken effective measures to keep the pandemic under control. Our accumulated anxiety can mar our judgement of reality. 

疫情後的心理變化

面對世界政治經濟局勢的動盪,大環境無法預期的改變,讓無論是企業高層主管、或是初級基層的員工,都造成無形的壓力。疫情後出現的心理變化大致有

  1. 經濟環境被影響的焦慮
  2. 對未來無法掌握的恐懼
  3. 對自我生存與價值懷疑的不確定

Psychological changes after the pandemic

The pandemic has resulted in turbulence and uncertainty – in the economic situation, for world politics and trade relations. This affects not just small businesses or multi-national corporations, but also the employee at all levels as well as entrepreneurs. There is definitely a sense of: 

  1. Anxiety caused by the unstable economic environment 
  2. Fear of not knowing what the future will be like
  3. Uncertainty about self-survival 

我們不該讓自己陷入持續性的低迷,反而應當迅速調整與適應「調適」成為重要的特質與生存條件,面對突如其來危機的反應能力,能使身心更強壯,生命更有韌性(resilience)。

We should not let ourselves fall into a downward spiral, but should try and adapt quickly. The ability to adapt and respond effectively to sudden crises can make the body and mind stronger, and one more resilient to future unexpected changes in life.

有感練習,好好安頓身心靈

疫情雖然讓人們少了許多出門在外的機會,卻也多了可以跟自己相處的時間。把握這段期間,去思考人生真正的本質,去思考對妳來說,生命的意義與價值是什麼? 進而體認(realize) 生命的有限,而妳又該如何把握有限的時間,做真正重要的事。瑜伽、靜坐冥想、呼吸練習、運動等,各種生活化的正念(mindfulness)練習,都是安頓身心靈的好方法。越動亂的時刻,妳要越靜

Nourish your mind & body

Although the pandemic has made people less likely to go out, on the upside, you have more time to spend with yourself. Make good of this alone time to think about the nature of life, what it means to you, and what you hold most important. Life is precious and incredibly fragile – so make the best use of time, always.

Yoga, meditation, breathing exercises – find a way to practice mindfulness, as that is a good way to nourish your mind, body and soul. It will help quieten the noise in your mind, help you find your focus, and strengthen your overall well being. 

Self-Compassion: 交出人生的控制權,不要害怕表現脆弱 

大自然長期反撲地球,而病毒也輕易反擊了人類習以為常的社會運作。我們很常忙碌,並且將一切人事物視為理所當然,然而一個病毒,就足以讓全世界停擺。按下暫停鍵後的生活,讓我們了解到,生命本來其實就是脆弱的,而我們也需「接受」與「承認」這個脆弱。

擁有這個理解後, 我們才能學會,身而為人「不需要」也「無法」掌控生命的全部。反倒是應該學習活在當下,感受臨在(presence)的喜悅,並且適時騰出時間、空間聆聽宇宙的訊息與引導, 才能找到自己存在的真正意義與價值所在。

我相信未來會是「心靈的時代」, 能夠活出「身、心、口」合一的人,就能完全發揮潛能與實現生命的價值。

Self-Compassion: Surrender control, do not be afraid to show vulnerability

Nature always finds its way of fighting back – and with just one virus, our lives have completely changed. When life is going smoothly, we tend to take things for granted, but this one virus alone has been sufficient in shutting down the world. However, this gives us a chance to press the pause button, and for us to realize and acknowledge the fragility of life. 

We learn to prioritise and appreciate what is most important. We learn to live in the present moment, feel the joy of the now, and make time to find the true meaning and value of one’s existence.

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